Why I Can't Be on Time for Things

I've spent my whole life chronically late for everything ranging from work, to school, to doctor's appointments, and even to hanging out with my friends.

 It makes complete sense to me if I'm late for work or a doctor's appointment; those are both unpleasant activities that it rarely pays to be early for. I've mainly worked at jobs where no one noticed if I came in five minutes late on a daily basis. And school is almost impossible for us nocturnal folks. I was only ever successfully on time for classes that began after 2 PM. 

My chronic tardiness for social gatherings is another thing entirely. Imagine an introvert who has both the inattentiveness and impulsivity of ADHD combined with the avoidance behaviors of an anxiety disorder, specifically social anxiety disorder. And, well, that's basically me. 

It's really hard for me because most of my friends only get the ADHD aspect of my tardiness. Take, for example, this lovely tale...

Here I am, dressed and ready to leave at the proper time to be at my friend Tina's place by 2 PM. Then I realize I failed to eat anything for breakfast/lunch and need to do that. So I spend 10 minutes deciding what to eat and then another 10 actually eating. I'm already 20 minutes late, but then I remember I have a dog! And unlike the cat, the dog depends on me to go to the bathroom in the proper location. So then I spend another 15 minutes walking the dog because, as it turns out, he doesn't actually need to go; he just wants to harass the neighbor's dog. Now I can actually leave, but on my way out to Tina's, I pass by this charity shop that displays furniture outside. I saw this really cool retro bookshelf I had to check out. So I drive around the block to get back to the shop, where I end up buying a coffee table instead. I am now leaving to get to my friend's house at my agreed-upon arrival time.

Stories like that are easy to pass off as my losing track of time because they closely resemble typical human behavior, if only the bookshelf had been a shiny object, but they don't really get at the anxiety underneath. The reality of it is that I spend significant amounts of time mentally preparing myself for social interaction. I have to psych myself up to leave my house. I have to plan post-socialization recovery time. Sometimes I need a little more or less preparation or recovery time, but it's really hard to predict. And it's not easy to call someone (especially one of my more extroverted friends) and say, "Oh hey, my coping mechanisms aren't working today. I'll be two hours late." 

Because phones are scary.